Parenting

Parenting is hard enough. When you add to that the challenges that can come from having been involved with the criminal justice system, life can become much more complicated. 

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You may find that you face a unique set of barriers and challenges, over and above the normal demands of parenting.  

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It’s important for you to know that there is help available and that it is possible to navigate the challenges and create a positive future for your child.

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This page explores the challenges you might be facing, and the support options that you might seek out to help both you and your child.

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Challenges that you might face as a parent:

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• Disclosing / discussing your criminal record to your child - the type of offence your conviction is for, how long ago you were convicted and the age of your child are all likely to play a role in your decision around when and how to speak to your child about your criminal record.

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• Disclosing / discussing your criminal record with your midwife/ health visitor/ children’s school - you may find that there are times when professionals ask you for details relating to your criminal record in order to provide appropriate support for your child.

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• Imprisonment and separation from your child - you may face separation from your child as a result of bail conditions or because of the sentence you are given. 

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• Having to live at a different address from your child - you may find that you are subject to conditions that mean you are no longer allowed to live at the same address as your child.  Furthermore, in some circumstances a criminal offence can play a part in relationship breakdown that may impact on your parent/child relationship.

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• Social isolation - having a criminal conviction can sometimes lead to a loss of friends / family. 

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• Managing your mental health & trauma - for many people, trauma from their past plays a significant part in their offending behaviour. Working through this trauma and ensuring their mental health is the best it can be is likely to be hard work and can impact on their relationships with their loved ones.

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• Community backlash - you may find that you need to protect your child from community backlash as a result of your offence.  Seeking support for your child at the earliest possible stage is essential.

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• Children’s social work involvement - dealing with the involvement of social work can be stressful. Our webpage on Children and Families Social Work provides more information on what to expect.

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• Interacting with your child’s school - for some offences of a sexual and/or violent nature, you may face challenges attending your child’s school.  

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• Fear - you may find yourself fearful that your child might think differently of you once they know about your offence, you might be scared that they could follow in your footsteps and/or you might worry that they will be bullied.  All of these fears are natural and understandable but there is support available to help you to protect your child’s future. 

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Talking to your child about your criminal record:

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Talking to your child about your arrest or conviction can be daunting.  Finding the right words can feel impossible.

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However, giving your child the chance to hear about your experience directly from you and answering any questions they may have is important.

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For young children, there are children’s books available that you may find helpful when you have the conversation. Some examples include:

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For school-aged children, you may find it helpful to ask the school to support you in speaking to your child. 

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Support

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Families Outside

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Families Outside have a range of excellent resources designed to help you to talk to your child about imprisonment. Their resources include advice on:

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• When and how much you might want to tell your child
• Advice on how to prepare for the conversation
• Suggestions of how children might react
• How you can help your child
• Resources specifically for children

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Play Therapy

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For the younger children, you may want to consider approaching a play therapist if you think that the impact of your conviction is having a negative effect on your child.

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Play therapists use art and play materials to help children to work through thoughts and emotions that may be challenging for them.

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You can search for a play therapist through the Register of Play and Creative Art Therapists.

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Family Therapy

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For much older children, the support of a counsellor or psychotherapist may be beneficial. Many therapists offer family therapy as well as support for individuals.

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You can search for a counsellor on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy register.  Once you have entered your location, it is possible to filter the results to only show therapists who work with families.

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